Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
