i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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