you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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