Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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