Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
