How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
