Duck Duck Cougar?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
