also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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