I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
