just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
