It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
