I cannot find my penis.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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