Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
