final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
did you just send me my own nude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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