she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
