I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
