we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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