She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
