She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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