I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
