he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
