at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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