what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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