You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
