omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
