I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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