I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
