Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
