Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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