FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
