High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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