so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
