so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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