Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
