Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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