its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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