sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
