This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
there is glitter all over my balls
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