she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
