i just wanna soil my oats bro
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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