I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
