he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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