you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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