So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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