Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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