After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
