Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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