I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize