you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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