I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
