I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
